My boyfriend is perfect, and not only in the “he’s perfect for me” kind of way but just generally perfect overall. He has a great life, he lives in an amazing apartment in the middle of downtown, has a great group of really good friends, graduated university only two months ago and already landed a job which he will start next week. In addition to all of that bodily anxieties, irrational feelings and any shread of human imperfection is missing from him (he doesn’t even snore). So the guy is basically super man.
All this doesn’t mean he hasn’t gone through hard times. He lost his father at a very young age and it’s been hard for him not to have him around for important mile stones in his life. He also has a very hard job. Right now he’s a server, working long hours in a restaurant where all his co workers are alcoholics. This stresses him out very much.
Despite all these set backs, hard times and stress he seems to handle it all perfectly. Whenever he has a bad thought he immediately switches mind set and says something like “it’s okay, I’m thankful for my serving job, it provides for me” or when his boss asks him to work overtime and he really doesn’t want to do it he just says “oh well, I’m doing my boss a favour, a favour cant be done while in a bad mood” And he says all these things in the cheeriest, happiest tone you can imagine.
He wakes up every morning singing, clapping, dancing saying “today is going to be a good day”
And then there’s me, I am also a happy person. I also have a great life, I love my job, I go to a great university, I have awesome parents and I just came back from living a year in Europe, fully paid for by my father.
But the thing is I’m a happy- sad person. I’m a happy person who spends a bit more time being sad than the average person. 90% of it being as a result of my body image issues. I suffer from irrational feelings like jelousy, sometimes when I’m upset I stay upset and like to loath in it for a little while. It’s not easy for me to put a positive spin on EVERYTHING.
Some of you might be thinking “well maybe your boyfriend does feel sad sometimes and he just doesn’t tell you.” But you’re wrong. We have been together for two years and have a really open and trusting relationship, we tell each other everything. He genuinely IS always in a good mood.
I on the other hand break down on a weekly basis about my insecurities and my struggles and I hate it. I hate feeling like the downer in our relationship, like the one who isn’t capable of keeping it together. I feel like the broken one. I also don’t like feeling like I’m bringing him down. I know I don’t put a damper on his happiness but I can’t help feeling like he deserves someone just as carefree as he is. I also think he might worry about me sometimes and I don’t want that either.
I guess it’s just hard to relate to someone who doesn’t seem to have worries or even when he does deals with them so perfectly. I want to learn from him but it just comes so naturally to him that he makes it look easy and I get frustrated.
This isn’t an article that has an answer or advice, it’s just a little bit of a vent. I hope that if anyone reads this that feels the same finds comfort in the fact that someone else feels like this too.